Finally! The Secrets To A Happy Relationship
(BlackDoctor.org) -- Falling in love is the easy part. Staying in love is where it gets tricky. Love isn’t just an emotion—in some cases it’s an action. How do couples maintain the love, in good times and in bad? The real answer is hard work and commitment.
Consider these tips as ingredients for the framework of a truly healthy bond:
1. Work on the relationship. An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the hardiest plants. And so it is with relationships. Address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship and it will often go downhill.
2. Develop a realistic view of committed relationships. Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won’t last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.
3. Make room for “separateness.” Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you.
4. Spend time together. There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television.
5. Don’t expect your partner to change. If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you will eliminate the source of most of your arguments. At the same time, each of you should focus on giving one another more of what you know the other wants, even if it doesn't come naturally. For instance, instead of complaining how your partner never cleans out the dishwasher, try just doing it yourself once in awhile without complaint. Your partner will likely notice your effort and make more of an effort him/herself around the house. If you do both of these things at once you’ve got a winning plan!
6. Make the most of your differences. What most attracted you to your partner when you first met? The funny thing is it might be the exact things that drive you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. It's likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a great team.
7. Accept that some problems can’t be solved. There may be issues upon which you cannot agree. Rather than expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or work around the issue. Two people cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy relationship is how people choose to work through such issues—through compromise, change or finding it’s just not that important to stew over.
8. Communicate! Lack of communication is the number-one reason even good relationships fail. So here is a useful format for doing so, especially when dealing with incendiary topics: Listen to your partner’s position, without interrupting. Just listen. When they’re finished, summarize what you heard them say. If you can, empathize with your significant other even though you don’t agree. This will take your partner off the defensive, and make it easier for your partner to hear your thoughts and feelings. It’s hard to argue when you use this format, and best of all, you may come up with an understanding or a solution.
9. Honesty is essential. Share with your partner the things they don’t want to hear. Better this than to have them doubt your honesty. Mistrust is one of the key deal breakers in relationships. And once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it in the relationship. The happiest couples are the ones where honesty is as natural and everyday as breathing.
10. Respect your partner, and don’t take them for granted. Treating your sweetheart with respect is likely to get you the same in return. And regularly reminding them how much they mean to you will enrich your relationship in indescribable ways. When you say, “I love you,” pause for a moment to really mean it. And don’t be afraid to express your feelings of appreciation with your partner—they’ll be thankful that you did.
Making these tips an integral part of your relationship won’t be easy. In fact, your efforts may initially seem like planted seeds that never come up. However, if you maintain your efforts, you will likely reap what you sow.
By Nicole Smith, BDO Staff Writer
29-Mar-2010 , Copyright © 2005-2010, BlackDoctor.org. All rights reserved.
All that is not given, is lost ~ Indian Proverb
