The Rules of Engagement

Pants Up Drama Down 6/3/2010 Enjoy!!!
http://apps.attainresponse.com/MediaF5/liveRecording.htm?id=111852

It was a great topic and I have lots of thoughts on this... I tend to try and understand human nature and pick my battles. I like peace, so if I bring it to your attention at all, then it's something that's bothering me and we need to discuss it.

My first husband and I dated 4 years, were married 10... we had 4 arguments that I can remember in all that time. It wasn't that we didn't disagree, we did... but we didn't argue...

I don't like drama and tend to avoid it... so if I had an issue, I'd say so. If it continued, I'd say so again here and there until I swallowed it and gave up. Eventually those unresolved issues, eroded my marriage.

Husband 2... smh... SWORE, he didn't like to argue... he was a childhood friend who I date for a while in high school. We had a great history and never had a cross word UNTIL... after the I do's and WOW... he was brutal. Everything pissed him off, nothing pleased him and he would say some things that had me stunned and speechless... The more I stood my ground and refused to give in to whatever his issue was, the uglier he became and believe me, there were issues of control (and while I will compromise, I will not be controlled). Initially my response to him... I wouldn't speak to him... not a word... for days or weeks... depending on how ugly he had been. I have thick skin and it takes a lot to hurt me... he was a master at it.  Then one day a couple of years into our marriage all the comments of ugliness that had been taking root in my quiet times.... spewed out and it was on... 

I have a bad temper once I reach breaking point it is not pretty. I spent years as a teenager learning to control it. I normally do a good job at it... but with him, I found words I thought I had forgotten... I gave as good or probably better than I got... so that led to an escalation and the verbal abuse twice became physical.  That marriage was manipulative, toxic and I stayed way to long..

My instincts now cannot deal with a man that yells, screams, belittles to get his way or starts with name calling... Say the wrong thing and the hair stands up on the back of my neck and you will never hear from me again. NO apologies... because experience has taught me that if you did it once, you'll do it again.... 

I still don't like confrontation and drama... actually, I like it less since I lived with it for so long and I have no tolerance for it. I believe there are healthy was to discuss (not always resolve) differences. If we can't fix it the right way... I'm not interested in outcome later.

Good show again, I'm pretty much the shut down guy, I have an ability to hear things go through my head before I say them, normally makes me hesitant and cautious with what I say. I love peace and quiet to think so I would rather shut it down and collect thoughts in peace then handle the situation........I wonder what "viberator-with-me-2" thinks about this show LMAO........J.K

Matrix you sound like you don't play!! lols

Logixx.... I laughed so hard when he said "vibrator with me 2"... and she came into the chatbox and said she was finding another name next time... that was some funny stuff..

AND...
wondering how I should take that assessment of me....   hmmm...

I don't like to argue either. I have one solution to arguing. If I have to come home to arguments, then I'll find somewhere where I don't. If I was involved with a woman who likes to ague a lot, then have make up sex, I'm still vacating the premises. One way or the other, there will be peace where ever I am. One thing to remember is that not many people can argue with themselves. Those who can are locked up in an asylum somewhere.

Ok, so here's a question. 

There is a young lady that you liked years ago, you were friends, vibes were flowing, but timing was off so nothing ever came of it.   Fast forward, life has just put you back in touch and you both available. She misunderstands something and blows her top... not nice.  Before you hear your voice mail message, she figures it out, apologizes and tells you she lost it and shouldn't have.  You tell her it's ok, but now won't return her calls or texts..

Can she fix this? What would it take to fix it?

Time.

Patience and maybe a peace offering... A small token to show your appreciation. A card perhaps. Don't rush it. Sometimes people just need time and space. Give both liberally.

Ok, so here's a question. 
There is a young lady that you liked years ago, you were friends, vibes were flowing, but timing was off so nothing ever came of it.   Fast forward, life has just put you back in touch and you both available. She misunderstands something and blows her top... not nice.  Before you hear your voice mail message, she figures it out, apologizes and tells you she lost it and shouldn't have.  You tell her it's ok, but now won't return her calls or texts..
Can she fix this? What would it take to fix it?

-matrixone05

If she shows up at my front door and presents with me with the keys to the new 2012  700HP Lamborghini, I might consider it.

Removed text... Matrix, you can erase this if you want...  I meant to quote Logic and ended up replying instead.... fixed it later.  :)

Good show again, I'm pretty much the shut down guy, I have an ability to hear things go through my head before I say them, normally makes me hesitant and cautious with what I say. I love peace and quiet to think so I would rather shut it down and collect thoughts in peace then handle the situation........I wonder what "viberator-with-me-2" thinks about this show LMAO........J.K

-logictraxx

ROTFLMAO!!!  Now you KNOW you're not right Logic!!!  Next time I'm JUST logging in as VIBE.  Sheesh!  I was sooo embarassed... OMG!!!

To address the show topic...

I have to say that I've always been one to shut down and step back when there's an argument in he relationship.  After having been in a marriage where he got belligerent and would do some crazy stuff.  I am even MORE so than I was back then.

I have to agree with Mark when he says that if a person will disrespect you in the street, they will disrespect you at home.  I REFUSE to get into an argument myself.  I will do a respectful discussion but to get into anything other than that, it won't happen.  I will walk away as well.  I am tired of arguments and drama and I won't have it in my life anymore.  One time was enough and when you start wondering HOW you could get rid of him without getting caught... it's NOT a good place to be and I had to get a divorce over that.

In my previous marriage, things ended up getting physical and he would break stuff and call me out of my name.  I will NOT get into that type of relationship EVER again.  I just refuse.  When I hear that first SHOUT... I'm OUT.  When I hear a low blow... I'm OUT.

To answer the question: To work away quicker that a mug--I refuse to be caught up in DRAMA...*To blessed to be stressed*...