What T.I. can teach us About Marriage

T.I. is not alone in fearing that the trend of single motherhood is having a detrimental impact on children

It’s not often that a rapper emerges as a voice for conservative thought, but this week Grammy nominee T.I. may have unwittingly done just that. In an emotionally raw letter penned in his prison cell he expressed his desire to make sure that his own children never end up where he is. His solution for insuring this: being an involved father. He writes:

“A lot of folks had fathers or father figures in the house to raise them into manhood. I’m not trying to make any excuses for my situation but my father was a hustler that lived in New York … My mother and grandparents did the best they could but I found my manhood in the trap and in prison systems. But I found it.”

Despite the fact that the percentage of children born to single mothers has skyrocketed from 5 percent to 41 percent over the last 50 years, and has increased to over 70 percent among black Americans, T.I. is not alone in fearing that this trend is having a detrimental impact on children, and society at large.

Though a study from the PEW Research Center and TIME Magazine found that a growing number of Americans — 4 in 10 — consider marriage “obsolete,” an overwhelming majority still are not sold on single motherhood. According to the study,

“69% say the trend toward more single women having children without a male partner to help raise them is a bad thing for society. And a majority (61%) still believe that a child needs both a mother and a father to grow up happily.”

So what explains this disconnect between people claiming that they don’t believe marriage is important, but that they also don’t believe that single women raising children is a good thing?

Well part of this disconnect is generational. Younger Americans, millenials in particular, are increasingly as likely to say that the All American family looks like “The Kids are All Right,” a family featuring two lesbian moms, as they are to say that it looks like “The Cosby Show.” Their attitudes on what constitutes a family are simply more fluid. But another growing disconnect is class status.

More than ever before having a college degree, is emerging as a key indicator on whether or not a person decides to get married before having a child. The PEW study “finds that college graduates are among the most likely to reject the notion that marriage is becoming obsolete: only 27% agree, while 71% disagree.”

Now before I get inundated with angry mail from single parents. Let me be clear. Successful families come in all shapes and sizes and an extraordinary single mother or father is certainly preferable to two lackluster married parents. But the numbers don’t lie and the majority of children born to single mothers are not being born towomen like Angelina Jolie, Edie Falco or Sandra Bullock.

These women have the financial stability to insure that their children will have access to world-class healthcare, not to mention every educational opportunity that money can buy, as well as access to a host of positive male role models (Brad Pitt). Many single moms do not.

Single motherhood remains a key indicator for whether or not a child will grow up in poverty. As the PEW Study notes, “in 2008, the median household income of married adults was 41% greater than that of unmarried adults, even after controlling for differences in household size.” In congressional testimony Isabel Sawhill of the Brookings Institution, cited the rise in single motherhood as one of the biggest culprits in the rise of childhood poverty. Poverty remains a key indicator for whether a child will graduate high school and in the inner cities dropping out of high school remains a key indicator for eventual incarceration.

Does this mean that no one should be allowed to have children without the government’s stamp of approval in the form of a marriage certificate? Of course not. I don’t think there’s a person on the planet who wouldn’t cheer if Oprah Winfrey decided to adopt a child, or two or three. Marriage doesn’t make someone a good parent. But the financial and domestic stability marriage can provide, can certainly help.

I’m someone who happens to believe that whatever goes on between consenting adults is nobody’s business — mine or the government's. But when children are brought into the equation it’s not quite that simple. This reality is probably why there was such a disconnect on this poll between those of us who believe that as far as adults are concerned — sure marriage is obsolete — but who also know that as far as children are concerned the answer is not so easy.

Just ask T.I.

Keli Goff is a political blogger for TheLoop21.com. She is the author of the critically acclaimed book Party Crashing: How the Hip-Hop Generation Declared Political Independence (Basic Books, March 2008). She is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post and previously served as an editorial contributor to RushmoreDrive.com. Keli can be seen regularly on national news programs including Anderson Cooper 360, The CBS Early Show, Lou Dobbs and BET. Email Keli at keli@theloop21.com. Follow her on Twitter @KeliGoff. Become a fan on her Facebook page. http://theloop21.com/society/what-ti-can-teach-us-about-marriage?

hmmm. T.I.? Are you kidding? Well what is T.I. really saying? He just got out of jail. He was away from his kids for a year. Now he is back in the can. Why? Because he couldnt keep from getting high. His kids now have endure another year and change because of his selfishness. T.I. cant teach anyone anything until he first learns himself.  As far as marriage goes, its up to the individual. Everyone isnt marriage material. Why some people try to make folks something they are not is beyond me. However, our children suffer because like T.I. we wind up being selfish because we dont see the big picture.

LOL @ Asylum. I was so stunned when I read the title of this article, I had to copy and share... He has a long way to go to teach anyone about anything... except... what NOT to do.

While T I may not appear to be the person to give advice on parenting, we don't know the state of his children. I give him credit for at least realizing the fact that having 2 loving parents is a benefit to the children, unlike some who think paying child support is enough and blame everything negative on the mother. I've said it before, a woman can raise a boy into manhood but she cannot teach him how to be a man, anymore than I could teach my daughter how to be a woman. Boys will emulate somebody in their life if the father or father figure is missing and T I recognizes that.  At least he has not disserted his children yet. Men need to make whatever sacrifices necessary for their children. Raising children requires sacrifice which unfortunately some men are not prepared to do. I refused to let my son be raised by my ex wife and was prepared to fight until the death for him, thankfully my ex and her attorneys could see that and agreed. I am from a 2 parent family and know the impact a father has on his children, especially these boys today. I think T I, however, is like many young men who teach the, do as I say and not as I do way of living.